i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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