There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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