I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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