And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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