I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
