i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
