Will you blow on my dice?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
