You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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