Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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