the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
