Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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