If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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