Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
