"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
