I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dear god my vagina.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
