when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
