You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
