youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
