The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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