i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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