Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
