Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
