all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
