i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
