you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize