need another drink. this is the easiest way
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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