i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
