She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
