Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
