I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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