Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
