i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
