I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
