Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
