Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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