Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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