I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
