Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
