he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A+ Viking dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
