he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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