Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
