Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize