dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
