We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
