Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
