Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i came on her dog
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
