I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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