So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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