i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
