mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
