This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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