What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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