I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she told me i tasted like america
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
