I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize