I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
