Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize