This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
