Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
