Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
