thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
