My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
