Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
