Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
