I got chris browned last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
