Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
