today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
50% drunk capacity currently
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
