That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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