Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
