i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
