So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
