note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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