party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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